Four Agreements to Misery? A Psychological Review of Don Miguel Ruiz’s Recipe for Freedom

In an era where personal development books seem to sprout from every corner of the bookstore, promising life-changing effects from a variety of unconventional philosophies, Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom stands out, at least in terms of popularity. One must ponder, however, whether its simplicity is a facade for something less transformative and perhaps more mystifying.

Ruiz presents four seemingly straightforward agreements: Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, Don’t make assumptions, and Always do your best. On the surface, these are invaluable life lessons capable of promoting significant personal growth and internal peace. Yet, when subjected to the merciless scrutiny of scientific psychology, they start to resemble less of a roadmap to liberation and more of an idealistic, if not utopian, scramble of cognitive restructuring.

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

From a psychological perspective, the call to be impeccable with one’s word aligns closely with the principles of assertive communication and cognitive-behavioral integrity. Research in cognitive psychology suggests that language doesn’t merely capture experience but also shapes it (Lakoff & Johnson, 2003). However, Ruiz’s notion of impeccability leans heavily towards a moral high ground that assumes one’s words can be completely purified of harmful intent or misunderstanding. One could argue, with a smirk, that even the most well-intentioned commentaries can disastrously misfire in the complex web of human interaction. Perhaps Ruiz overlooks the ambiguity inherent in human languages and the perceptual biases that color our interpretations (Fiske & Taylor, 1991).

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

This agreement advocates for a form of psychological resilience that is, frankly, borderline dismissive of social reality. The suggestion that one should never take anything personally overlooks a fundamental aspect of human psychology: we are inherently social creatures, influenced by the opinions and behaviors of others (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). To detach oneself completely from the reactions of others is not only a Herculean psychological feat but also contradicts evidence suggesting that human emotionality is deeply tied to interpersonal connections and validations (Leary, 2001).

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

While this agreement might seem to be the most empirically sound, as numerous studies point out the myriad cognitive biases that cloud human judgment (Tversky & Kahneman, 1974), it is overly simplistic. The cognitive apparatus of humans has evolved to make rapid judgments and assumptions essential for survival (Gigerenzer, 2007). To curb this innate tendency completely is to ask the brain to go against its evolutionary wiring. Moreover, some might argue that a life entirely devoid of assumptions would be exceedingly inefficient and paralyzingly tentative — hardly the ingredients for personal freedom.

4. Always Do Your Best

Ah, the motivational poster slogan of the self-help world. The demand to always do one’s best might come off as an inspiring call to action, but from a psychological standpoint, it’s rife with potential for inducing guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Psychological research on goal setting and motivation indicates that while high aspirations can drive achievement, they can also lead to disappointment and decreased satisfaction when unmet (Locke & Latham, 2002). Thus, constantly striving to do one’s best may not be as liberating as it sounds, especially when ‘best’ becomes a moving target impossible to hit.

In conclusion, while The Four Agreements may serve as a pleasant digestif for the soul, its nutritional value to the mind may be less than satisfying when chewed with a critical psychological tooth. It serves up an appetizing menu of idealistic virtues but may underdeliver on realistic, sustainable mental health strategies. Like many servings in the genre of self-help, it perhaps offers a temporary emotional high, a placebo dressed in the seductive garb of ancient Toltec wisdom, rather than a substantial meal to sustain a psychologically robust life.


  • Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
  • Fiske, S. T., & Taylor, S. E. (1991). Social Cognition. McGraw-Hill.
  • Gigerenzer, G. (2007). Gut Feelings: The Intelligence of the Unconscious. Viking Press.
  • Lakoff, G., & Johnson, M. (2003). Metaphors We Live By. University of Chicago Press.
  • Leary, M. R. (2001). Interpersonal rejection. Oxford University Press.
  • Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation. American Psychologist, 57(9), 705–717.
  • Tversky, A., & Kahneman, D. (1974). Judgment under Uncertainty: Heuristics and Biases. Science, 185(4157), 1124–1131.